


Watch Your Thoughts

by noodlerdoodler



Series: The Girl Who Couldn't Stop [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eye Trauma, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Headcanon, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-27 12:57:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6285358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noodlerdoodler/pseuds/noodlerdoodler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And when I was alone, in my hive, there wasn't much to distract me." Terezi continues, sniffling, "And the only way to stop... Thinking about my eyes was to touch them. It was... Reassuring somehow. I know it's gross but it makes me feel better for some reason. It lets me stop thinking about them for a minute." Terezi lets out a strangled noise that sounds like a swallowed sob, "And I couldn't stop doing it...."</p><p>He doesn't like where this story is going. "Terezi..."</p><p>"And I poked myself blind." She cringes and he shudders, "I couldn't stop doing it and my sight... It got worse and worse and it hurt but I couldn't stop. And then, I couldn't see anything at all."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Watch Your Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a quote from The Man Who Couldn't Stop:
> 
> "A Brazilian man called Marcus had OCD that centred on obsessive thoughts about the shape of his eye-sockets, so much so that he was compelled to touch them constantly with his fingers. Marcus prodded himself blind." 
> 
> It just made me think of an alternative reason for Terezi's blindness, since I headcanon her as having OCD anyway. None of this is even vaguely canon.

Karkat is well into a human-romance movie that John recommended to him (it's terrible) when there's a knock on the door that causes him to sit up in his pile. Who the hell is knocking at this hour? All the humans should be waking up soon and most trolls will have retired for the evening- this is the awkward stretch when nobody is ever doing anything. 

And though Karkat doesn't invite whoever it is in, the troll outside seems to take his silence as an invitation to slip around the door and close it behind her. Terezi Pyrope leans against the door, fiddling with her cane like she does in the (very) rare moments where she's nervous, and blinks at him. Like she's waiting for him to say something. He doesn't, running his tongue over his teeth and wondering what she's doing here at this time, waiting for her to speak. 

Neither of them say anything for a while before Karkat crumbles and opens his mouth. 

"What the fuck do you want?" He says, eventually.

"I wanted to talk to you about something." Terezi says, "Since we've been... Spending a lot of time together recently, it's just something I figured you should know." 

It's true that they've been spending a lot of time together and Karkat reckons he knows now where this conversation is going. He's not the best at any kind of flirting, let alone flush, and this is obviously her realising that he's red for her. And she's obviously come here to reject him because what would a insane yet pretty girl like her want with him? 

"If this is about your weird masturbation habits, don't worry, the whole goddamn meteor probably knows about them by now." Karkat says, but he pauses his movie and closes his husktop. 

Terezi laughs and shakes her head. "And you're intrigued?" 

"Fuck no, I've got better things to do than talk to you about your personal life." 

"My personal life? What is this, a courtroom? I wasn't aware that our relationship was purely professional." Terezi raises an eyebrow. The use of the word 'relationship' makes Karkat's brain grind to a halt and he can't come up with a decent comeback. 

Gruffly, he clears his throat and pats the pile beside him. "Are you just going to stand there like a dumbass?" 

Terezi grins widely and climbs onto the pile with him, inching closer with a stupid look on her face. She kneels beside him, sitting on her heels, like she's about to make a bolt for the door any second. Her leg is barely grazing his but it's enough to make him flush like an idiot. He knows that she can't see but he does briefly wonder if she can smell the bright red his face has turned. Of course she can, judging by the way her grin widens and the way her hand creeps closer. It's sat between them like an invitation. 

"I already asked you what the fuck you wanted." Karkat can barely breathe, she's so close to him. All he can think is _Terezi in my pile, Terezi in my pile, Terezi in my pile_ and _fuck, please don't let her be about to reject me_. 

"There's something I've never told anyone." Terezi bites her lower lip, "And it's kind of a big deal. And if you're going to fill my flush quadrant, I figured it's something you need to know." 

That makes him shuffle away. _"Your flush quadrant?"_

Terezi laughs. "Of course, that's what you want." She pauses, "Right?"

They have been "hanging out"- as a certain douchebag in a pair of shades would say- a lot lately, since they had three human years to spend on this meteor and there were worse people to spend that time with than Terezi. And sure, she was funny and cute and completely fucking bat-shit insane. And maybe Karkat had been feeling little red butterflies in his stomach but he had no idea that all of that added up to make a quadrant. Clearly, she's been reading a lot more into their time spent together than he has. 

And he'd be lying to say that he didn't have a bit of a.... Thing for her. A red thing. 

He decides to shrug, "playing it cool" like Dave would. After all, that's obviously what Terezi's into, if her conversations with Strider were anything to go by. 

It just makes her laugh. 

"Uh, yeah." He says, "Obviously, that's what I want, Pyrope. I guess I feel enough pity to listen to whatever it is that you want to tell me, though, seeing as you don't currently have a moirail." He adjusts the collar of his sweater. Is it hot in here? It's hot in here. 

"Okay." Terezi looks down at her knees, "Here goes..." 

She doesn't say anything, inhaling sharply. Her hand clenches and unclenches her cane, her fingers flexing. It's hypnotising to watch until he realises that her cane is resting across her lap and she probably thinks he's staring at her... Anyway, he averts his eyes. 

Karkat listens to her measured breathing, slow and careful. Whatever this is, it must be a big deal for her. Which is weird because it didn't occur to him that Terezi was the kind of person that could keep secrets about anything- she's normally yelling her thoughts in all caps and numbers and making her feelings clear. Today... He's suddenly not so sure of her. 

"It's about how I went blind. It's... It's actually nothing to do with me looking into the sun." Terezi shrugs, like that doesn't change anything, "It was all just a big mistake. I still think it's Vriska's fault though." 

It takes Karkat a moment to process. After all, for sweeps, Terezi has been telling the story of how Vriska tricked her into sleeping walking and how she (Terezi, that is) looked in the bright green sun and woke up on Prospit. But it's okay, guys, because her lusus totally taught her to see with her other senses and she's cool with being blind. Or that's what she says, at least. And now... Why would she lie about all that? And why would Vriska go along with it, acting the villian? 

"You didn't... You better have some damn good explanation as to how you went blind. And why the hell you've been lying to me... Uh, us, for sweeps?" Karkat demands, "And why you hate Vriska so much if she didn't do anything to you?" 

"I think... She might have screwed with my mind." Terezi says, slowly and carefully, "Because... The thing is... I think there might be something wrong with me. And it's gotta be her fault, right? Because it's not normal to... Have thoughts like this, right?" 

"Thoughts like _what_?" 

"Because for as long as I can remember... I've had this fixation with... Eyes." Terezi looks away.

"What?" 

_Eyes_. She thinks about eyes? 

"You saw how I was slobbering all over Dave's because they were so pretty." Terezi points out. It's true, everybody knows that she's wanted to lick Dave's eyes in forever. God only knows if she'll ever get close enough to do it but everybody knows she wants to. 

"Well, yes, but I don't see how that has anything to do with the sun molesting the sight out of your eyeballs when you were younger." Karkat says, wondering if he's missed something. Because so far, he's not sure how to piece all of this together. 

"Dave was just an example." Terezi gestures vaguely with her left hand, "You don't know half of it." She takes a deep breath, the kind Karkat normally takes before a rant, "I can't help thinking about eyeballs. Even now, I'm talking to you and it's at the back of my mind. I honest to Gog, cannot stop thinking about them. And it's... Uncomfortable for me. I don't want to think about them. About eyes. But I can't help it, honestly I can't; I know it's weird and I'd stop it if I could. I really want it to stop and-" 

"Pyrope-" Karkat sighs. Fuck it all. "Terezi. Come here." 

And because she seems genuinely upset about this whole thing, he lets her shuffle closer and wraps his arms around her. It's difficult because she's still not really close enough and he has to lean. The awkward distance between them doesn't go unnoticed and she moves so close that she's nearly crushing him. It's so unfair that she's taller than him. It even makes it difficult for him to hug her- though, the main thought on his mind is _oh my god, I'm hugging Terezi_. 

Terezi doesn't cry but she sniffs and presses her face into his shoulder. The pointy edges of her sunglasses dig in but he ignores them and strokes her hair. It's soft and silky, slipping through his fingers. And he wonders what's running through her mind right. He cringes when he realises that according to what she's said, it won't be him. It won't be him she's thinking about. 

"And when I was alone, in my hive, there wasn't much to distract me." Terezi continues, sniffling, "And the only way to stop... Thinking about my eyes was to touch them. It was... Reassuring somehow. I know it's gross but it makes me feel better for some reason. It lets me stop thinking about them for a minute." Terezi lets out a strangled noise that sounds like a swallowed sob, "And I couldn't stop doing it...."

He doesn't like where this story is going. "Terezi..."

"And I poked myself blind." She cringes and he shudders, "I couldn't stop doing it and my sight... It got worse and worse and it hurt but I couldn't stop. And then, I couldn't see anything at all." 

"It didn't have anything to do with Vriska?" Karkat is surprised. He thought that giant bitch was the main reason Terezi was blind but... It was herself. Terezi _was_ the reason that Terezi was blind. 

"She must have put the thoughts in my head... They're not me. These thoughts can't be mine." Terezi pulls back and 'looks' at him for a long moment, "I'm not actually crazy, Karkat, not like you think I am. But I can't make the thoughts go away without..." She gestures to her eyes, "I've tried to stop and I can't." 

"How come Vriska backed you up on your story?" Karkat inquires. 

"I don't know. I asked her to and she said okay. She said she'd be proud to say it was her and that she had blinded me as revenge. So we... Kind of made the whole thing up to fool everyone. I didn't want anybody to know the truth." Terezi looks suddenly panicked, "You can't tell anybody. People will think I'm... Crazy. Like Gamzee. Worse than Gamzee." 

"Just... Calm your rumblespheres for a second." Karkat shushes her- not shooshes, that would be a very different kind of romance- and takes her hand in his. He's never held her hand like this before. Her skin is cold and her fingers are smooth, fitting neatly between his. He stares at their interlocked hands for a moment. 

"How do I fix me?" Terezi asks, in such an un-Terezi way that it takes him back. 

"There's nothing wrong with you. This is... Whatever this is, it's not something wrong with you. It's a problem in your brain. One that could probably be helped, if we do it right." Karkat sighs, "Look, you know who we should be asking about this, right?"

"Rose Lalonde?" Terezi guesses, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand. 

"Obviously, she knows everything. Or at least, she thinks she does. She'll know about this and she'll be able to help. I'll Pester her later." Karkat runs his thumb over the back of her hand, "I'm glad you told me. Now, I'll make sure you don't go around poking other people's eyes out. Feel free to go for Strider's though, then he'd have a reason to wear those stupid shades." 

Terezi chuckles weakly. "I'm glad you didn't call me a mutant."

"Me calling you a mutant, that would be ironic." 

"I'm telling Dave you used irony." Terezi grins a little, "After all the times you've called his irony bullshit and then, you go and use it."

"Shut up, Pyrope." He huffs. 

"So... Flushed?" Terezi asks, hopefully. 

"Was this all a romantic ploy?" Karkat replies, sarcastically, " _I have been lying for you to years about why I'm blind, do you want to make out?_ Really? That old romantic cliché?" 

"Oh, yes, it was all a ploy to get into your stupid grey pants. It's not like I've been flushed for you for half a sweep or anything." She cackles, "Anyway, what movie were you watching before I got here?" 

He opens his husktop and- against his will- watches her lick the screen curiously. She nods her approval before relaxing on the pile and pressing play, her hand still tightly knotted in his. And she grins at him when he lies back alongside her, balancing the husktop on his knees, licking him affectionately on the ear. It's disgusting. But he doesn't care too much. 

Tonight has changed everything.


End file.
